my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
