she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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