Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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