apparently the secret to your success is patron
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
