but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
