Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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