just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
