you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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