My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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