I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
3pm strippers are depressing
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
