Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize