the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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