dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
