i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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