You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
