So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
