Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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