she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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