you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
