Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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