Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
