There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
