I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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