apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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