My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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