i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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