would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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