Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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