...so i touched it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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