This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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