oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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