Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
