my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Is Oprah even human
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
