There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
