I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
