Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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