you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
