He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
