I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
