Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
