Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
