Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
