Me too!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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