You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
