So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
