I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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