I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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