Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
