K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
