they said they heard you say put it in my butt
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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