Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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