i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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