you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
