My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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