hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
