I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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