yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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