Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
