im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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