Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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