We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
