yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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