you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
