i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
