There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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