you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
