whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
