I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize