My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
