I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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