Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
