Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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