It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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