I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
